[Someone catcalls her.] "I don't have a girlfriend. - Oliver Goldsmith. Horace Walpole. A Fish Called Wanda. 4. Try keeping a few uplifting excerpts or favorable pronouncements on hand. 8. - Guy Bellamy. "You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.". 7. Sholom Aleichem.
Duct tape is silver.". Cassandra Duffy. Unknown. In a giant blender. 25595 likes. And laughter truly is the best medicine for your soul.
Elbert Hubbard. - Johnny Carson. If A is success in life, then A is equal to X plus Y plus Z. - David Brent. "My mother always used to say, 'The older you get, the better you get, unless you're a banana.'" - Betty White. I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. - Douglas Adams. Comedy quotes if you want to laugh and to look for joy, I enjoy reading the following quotations 20 Funny Quotes of the most delightful beautiful quotations comedy. If you can fake that, you've got it made.". In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out. Sometimes we think we need more love.
If A is a success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z. I don't wanna die. So, here are 24 funny and honest quotes about life, from comedians: 1. Try to find other people who are not afraid to radiate and spread this fuel of life. 37. John Wayne. "There is still a lot to learn and there is always great stuff out there. Will Ferell. Apr 10, 2022 - Explore Traci Miller's board "comedy & quotes", followed by 120 people on Pinterest. That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. "A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.". Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. Every time you are able to find humor in a difficult situation, you win. "Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.". Share the best funny quotes collection by famous authors and comedians. I never made a mistake in my life. The Office, in its mockumentary format, has made us all feel a bit better about our daily work lives, and if you need a good laugh, these Michael Scott quotes will put a smile in your face. Go through life like a duck: Majestic on top, kicking like hell underneath. - Terry Pratchett. I must confess, I was born at a very early age. Erma Bombeck. We hope these quotes make you laugh and bring you closer to each other now more than ever! Edward Cullen: "It's the national pastime.". It is, therefore, safe to say that, sense of humor can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. Rodney Dangerfield. "Be so good they can't ignore you." ~ Steve Martin. - Miranda Priestly, The Devil Wears Prada. Comedy Quotes - BrainyQuote. 33.) - William Blake. "My mom and dad are both in stand-up comedy, so that's where I started, that's where I got everything. "You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the . Worst two minutes of my life." 8. Jazz is hitting the notes that that no one else would hit, and comedy is saying words that no one else would say. Oh my God, I'm scared of $10.6 Billion. - Irish Saying. Peter Ustinov. - That Seventies Show. George Carlin on Planets and People "The planet is fine. "Silence is golden. Charlie Chaplin. 42. In that case, look inside you, there is always more love in there! "Life will be boring AF if you never mess up.". They said, don't give up on your dreams. "I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.".
If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam. "You'll have bad times, but it'll always wake you up to the good stuff you weren't paying attention to." ~ Robin Williams. 7. - Bob Hope. "Age is of no importance unless you're a cheese.". George Carlin. Lily Tomlin. It is therefore vital to keep yourself happy and approach life with a positive mind. - Winston Churchill. ". I object!" Legally Blonde (2001) Elle Woods ( Reese Witherspoon ), in her video essay application to Harvard Law School. - John F. Kennedy. 3. 9. 4. 35.) 44. Sometimes you need to indulge the sense of humor of *LIFE*. Best Quotes To Live By. How to make God laugh: Tell him your future plans. Dr. Seuss, Happy Birthday to You! 37.
2. "Brigands demand yourMoney or your life; women require both.". we publish short in many areas quotes, quotes about life, happiness, love and optimism. but the end it only who was with you through all that good and bad times. "Well, well, well, if it isn't the consequences of my own actions.". Gentlemen, you can't fight in here. Famous Quotes about Life. It's funny - my friends would always come to me for romantic advice. Short Funny Quotes About Life. ". One day i was born. 2. Easy to read the list of the most hilarious phrases ever spoken. - Billy Sunday. Show source. Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. "To see a world in a grain of sand and a heaven in a wildflower, hold infinity in the palm of your hand and eternity in an hour.".
Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke. - George Carlin. Happy Birthday.".
"Light travels faster than sound. Once you love yourself, you will be able to share love all around. Discover and share Comedy Quotes About Life. 41. The kind of life motivation I need. The kind of life motivation I need.
- George Carlin. Mar 25 2016 explore allie m s board funny deep thoughts on pinterest. Work is X; Y is play; and Z - keeping your mouth shut. Sometimes you need to indulge the sense of humor of *LIFE*.
"Be all you can be and live a good life have fun with it.". 1. Here are some of the best funny quotes from his stand-up routines. Charles Shulz. 45. - Franklin Jones. Sometimes we have to see the funny side of life in order to keep going. You will never get out of it alive.". But you're not as old as you're going to be.". Life is full of negativity, and things do not always go the way they should. Jim Harrison. Here are some of his best quotes and jokes: "You're only given one little spark of madness. Ned, I would love to stand here and talk with youbut I'm not going to. "Only trust people who like big butts They cannot lie.". Elbert Hubbard. "Just tell me when and where and I'll be there 20 minutes late.". Life Quotes. So enjoy these 50 funny quotes, sayings, and observations and get laughing today. Tact is for those who aren't funny enough for sarcasm. Will Rogers. Quote 1. If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito. MICHAEL SCOTT. "I'll probably never fully become what I wanted to be when I grew up, but that's probably because I wanted to be a ninja princess.".
Tommy Chong. 8. - Anonymous. 9.
Arm Yourself With Funny Sarcastic Quotes to Make an Everlasting Impact. "I'm not funny. 45. Good Day, Bad Day, Parental. Marilyn Monroe. "Life will be boring AF if you never mess up.". 4. I figured that shit out by myself in the third grade.".
7. 1. - Groucho Marx. "I wanna live. Life is a sexually transmitted disease. Abraham Lincoln.
What I am is brave." ~ Lucille Ball. I don't hate it. Groucho Marx. "The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary." ~ Vince Lombardi , Funny quotes about work. Funny happy quotes about life Photo: pixabay.com, @bamcreations01 (modified by author) Source: UGC. FUNNY LIFE LESSON QUOTES. "Life only delivers to people that create their own postal code." Jelani Daniel, King of Quotes. Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no lies. - Al McGuire.
Life is a mixing of all kind of things: comedy and tragedy going together. - Joey Adams. "It's about time somebody stood up to Auntie Eleanor. Love is part of our lives. Mother. After 3 it should default to "unstable".". 1. - Albert Einstein. With so much humor in the world, we've collected some hilarious life quotes from a wide range of famous writers, celebrities and thinkers from over the last couple of centuries and beyond. "Today you are You, that is truer than true. Deep funny quotes about life. "I feel comfortable using legal jargon in everyday life. 43.
Duct tape is silver.". "Life is funny, and that's why I celebrate it in my shows." ~ Loni Love. "I have not . "You'll have bad times, but it'll always wake you up to the good stuff you weren't paying attention to." ~ Robin Williams. You mustn't lose it.".
Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.". There's plenty of time to be dead.". This is the war room. "I tried to be normal once. If you're too open-minded; your brains will fall out. Marriage. 36. "To be old and wise you must first be young and . Funny quotes about life are the most beautiful quotes to make laugh over your past memories in your life. Votes: 1. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. Orson Welles. "Light travels faster than sound. Amusing Funny Quotes to Make Light of Life's Hard Times. "I don't have pet peeves I have major psychotic fucking hatreds!". funny inspirational quotes about life and happiness "Successful and unsuccessful people do not vary greatly in their abilities.". . We want to help put a little color to your relationship by sharing some of the funniest love quotes we could find. Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue. "I've had bad luck with both my wives. "If a little is great, and a lot is better, then way too much is just about right!" ~ Mae West. Franklin P. Jones.
I'm spending a year dead for tax reasons. 34.) It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. "Life is like looking for your phone, most of the time it's in your hand." 9. "Do not take life too seriously. 2."I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.". "After 30, a body has a mind of its own.". He won't expect it back.". You will never get out of it . Charles M. Schulz.
3. I love you more than pizza. I wasn't mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if I'm mad.. yes, I'm mad! - Anonymous. So I went back to sleep. Pin On Quotes . Lily Tomlin.
You know how that thrills me.". "We get the warhead and we hold the world ransom for. - Anonymous. 1. Life is a near-death experience. "Silence is golden. 22. 7. Pinterest. "There are three intolerable things in life - cold coffee, lukewarm champagne, and overexcited women.". Funny Quotes About LifeGroup 2.
Nicholas Murray Butler. Join the fun with our Funny Quote of the Day on the web, Facebook and blogs. "Life is like a box of chocolates. Amusing Funny Quotes to Make Light of Life's Hard Times. Every one desires to live long, but no one would be old. If you do a job too well, you will get stuck with it, that's why men don't cook. - Bette Midler.
I am not a member of any organized political party. 3.
"Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are . These 101 funny quotes from comedians, movies, authors, and TV look at the hilarious side of life. - Peter De Vries. "Laugh and grow fat.".
The first one left me and the second one didn't.". What I am is brave." ~ Lucille Ball. But I want the ones with truffle and peanut butter. Funny Quotes about Life in General.
"Always borrow money from a pessimist. "Face book should have a limit on how many times you can change your relationship status. sometime in your life. There is a point in portraying surface vulgarity where tragedy and comedy are very close. "Pandora opened the box with the new high-heels, put them on and went out to town.". Barbara Stanwyck. "The simple act of opening a bottle of wine has brought more happiness to the human race than all the collective governments in the history of earth.". only a true friend and true love can . Kevin Kline plays Otto, an imbecilic criminal who hates to have . I know nothing, and things have changed since I was dating in high school! "Life is like a box of chocolates. Perfect for sharing your best friends and family. Guess what, I have flaws. 7. Life can be overwhelming but funny quotes about life can make it seem less scary. At any rate, you live. Everyone s path in life is different and it s up to us to figure out how to navigate . Also read: Short Quotes, Sarcastic Quotes. You live and learn.
- Ross Perot. "We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know.". "I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.". "Be yourself. 3. "My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them." -Mitch Hedberg. "The real test is not whether you avoid this failure, because you won't.
Like. Enjoy these funny quotes, a laugh and share with a friend. Hilarious Quotes From Famous People. Life is too deep for words so don t try to describe it just live it c. Deep life sayings and quotes. Quotes on Funny Thoughts to Make You Smile. Mar 21, 2015 - Comedians quote on life. Do not do whatever you want.". Phil Connors.
Quotes about Taking Risks. Advertisement. 3. I just don't like it at all and it's terrible. Unique Comedy Quotes About Life stickers featuring millions of original designs created and sold by.
"If you're going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you might as well laugh about it now.". "The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. "People say money is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made." 5. You attract what you fear.'.
Laughing So Hard. It's not important to win, it's important to make the other guy lose. "When you're in love, it's the most glorious two and a half days of your life." - Richard Lewis Source: pinterest.com. Here are 1100+ Cute Funny Quotes And Sayings below: "Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.". Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Albert Einstein. Unknown. Life is hard; it's harder if you're stupid. "The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.".
I am a Democrat. I may not know karate, but I know crazy and I'm not afraid to use it.
Today is your day to laugh at life, laugh at what's funny - laugh at what's sad, laugh loud - laugh often, laugh at me - laugh at you - laugh at life. Dalai Lama. 2. 20. "Oh right, to call you stupid would be an insult to stupid peopleI've worn dresses with higher IQs.". Choose which funny sayings about life resonate with your life best. Charleton Heston. 19. "In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity.". We go through life thinking we're invincible, but the truth is we're totally vincible. A day without laughter is a day wasted. "Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game.". Abraham Lincoln. - Groucho Marx. "I'm not funny. "Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't." ~ Erica Jong.
I feel like with stand-up comedy, it doesn't matter if I've gotten fatter." ~ Jim Jefferies. I thought I did once, but I was wrong. 19 Copy quote. 30 Lip Smacking Food Quotes to Satiate Your Soul. tags: comedy , life , yourself. "It's like no one in my family appreciate that I stayed up all night overthinking for them.". See more ideas about comedian quotes, quotes, comedians. Funny Love Quotes.
These funny relationship quotes are the perfect combination of sweet and spicy that would surely keep the flame alive. "May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.". .
Phil Connors. - Groucho Marx.
"By all means, move at a glacial pace. "I wish people came with a 30 . "When you're in love, it's the most glorious two and a half days of your life." - Richard Lewis President Merkin Muffley. Whether you need a good laugh or just something to lighten the mood these celebrity quotes and funny memes show. - Albert Einstein. 1. "It's a funny thing about life: if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get.". Best Funny Quotes. Don't drink to forget me, you'll end up seeing me double.
See more ideas about comedian quotes, quotes, comedians. 1. "If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.".
Being eaten by a crocodile is just like going to sleep. Life is a long process of getting tired. - Oscar Wilde. Life is like a cobweb, not an organization chart. "Do not take life too seriously. So enjoy these 50 funny quotes, sayings, and observations and get laughing today. Billie Burke. If you ever observe your power or your spirit begin to drop, merely recite an inspirational and also uplifting quote to rapidly increase your mood. "When something goes wrong in your life, just say 'PLOT TWIST' and move on.". Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
Can't Stop Laughing. The people are fucked george carlin carlin was well known for his. Also read: Short Quotes, Sarcastic Quotes. Funny Quotes - BrainyQuote. Comedy is the ultimate truth. When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth. - Samuel Butler. I'm really trying hard to spend this time working on myself. This world is a comedy to those that think, a tragedy to those that feel. "The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits.". - Homer Simpson. Today. Funny Quotes. Even mistakes can be wonderful.". But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that." -Mitch Hedberg. "When something goes wrong in your life, just say 'PLOT TWIST' and move on.". Funny Life QuotesGroup 2. You'll never get out of it alive. 21st of 60 Funny Motivational Quotes. Funny crazy quotes about life. 2. Rollercoaster . - Twilight. But I want the ones with truffle and peanut butter. That's the whole meaning of life: Not dying! "You're in mint condition for a vintage model. Mitch Hedberg is a funny comedian with great comedic timing. 8. "Communicating with a toddler is difficult. Quotes tagged as "comedy" Showing 1-30 of 1,442. - Albert Einstein. If you can fake that, you've got it made.". share these amazing funny life quotes with your friends, family and beloved once and enjoy your times.. Life is full of tests for you, some you will pass and some you will fail.